Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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