somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
