I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
