you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
