This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
