I'm so fucking centered right now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
