I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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