First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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