I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
