I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
