shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
