you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
