that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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