i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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