Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
