I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
