im drinking this country out of the recession.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
