I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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