he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
