He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
