Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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