I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am midnight drunk by noon
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
