Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
