I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All the doctor said was why
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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