if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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