why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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