apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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