im drinking this country out of the recession.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your cock deserves a montage
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize