you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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