Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
