My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
