I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have post one night stand depression
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
