apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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