I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
