Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize