Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
