Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize