i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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