Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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