why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
