I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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