So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize