[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
