Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
