Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
