I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
