If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
