You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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