So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So squirting runs in the family.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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