So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
