Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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