i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
