Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
