i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As shirtless as possible
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize