you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
