Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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