True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
