Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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