Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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