you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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