so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think i have herpe
just one?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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