I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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