I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
